Hopeful
by mangoesthatlickballs
Summary: Some Sizzy scenes from CoLS from Isabelle's pov. Hope you guys like it :)
1. Chapter 1

I was drunk. I knew it. And yet, I could not help myself from going to their apartment and to search for him. Easy to say that even drunk, the feeling of disappointment overwhelmed me. He was not there. It felt like a thousand tiny daggers all scorching my skin at the same time.

The point is, I have no idea why I got drunk. I think I intended to say the words that have bothered me the most during these past few weeks and I am not as brave as everyone thinks I am. If I was, why couldn't I just tell the damn boy I loved him? But he was more than a mere boy. He was Simon. A vampire with complexes at being a vampire, he wasn't a simply complex guy. He was different. I had been with so many guys, but none of them made me feel like this. Never. When I was with him I always felt like I was floating on a river and whenever he touched me it was like my whole being was filled with fire in the veins.

It's needless to say that the Tequila didn't make me do what I planned to do, but I did make Jordan my shrink, I think. I think I even told him things I didn't want to. I made myself weak yet again. Well done, Iz.

As I stormed into his empty room, I tried my best to keep my conscience and searched for a piece of paper and a pen. I tried to write as carefully as I could but my letter came out all distorted - Side effect of being drunk:

"_Simon,_

_I've been trying to call you but youre phone seems to be turned off. I don't know where you are. _

_I don't know if Clary has already told you what happened tonight. Magnus asked me to go to his place and I'm going._

_You know I'm never afraid, but I'm scared for Jace. I'm scared for my brother. I never asked you anything, Simon, but I'm asking you now. Please meet me there._

_Isabelle"_

I was surprised that my sanity had not been that much affected by the whole Tequila bottle I drank. I wondered if Simon would read this, he was probably with Clary, sleeping next to her, comforting her… The idea filled me with horror and a kind of jealousy I had never felt before. What was this? Isabelle wasn't a jealous person. But then again, there I was, looking at his made bed. He hadn't slept there for at least a week. The thought of that made me break the pen I was holding. Ink fell down my hands as I threw it out the window, so he wouldn't see it.

The possibilities of Simon seeing such letter were low, but I did not give up. I folded the letter carefully and placed it on top of his bed. I looked around at his clothes folded down on the shelves. I picked one up and held it against me. It smelled like cinnamon and the smell was so good and so nostalgic that I wasn't able to put it back down, so I took it with her.

Things between them hadn't been clear, nor easy. I loved him, or so I thought at least, and I was sure he felt something toward me too, but I could not say the amount of intensity in such feelings towards me. I could only guess, and my guesses were that the feeling was not mutual, because there would always be Clary.

Clary. They had dated, back in the date when everyone thought Jace was her brother. It didn't hurt that much back then, I had felt the bitter sting of jealousy though, and I knew that sometimes I had been too obvious, offering to kiss him as a sacrifice for the Seelie queen, or even pointing out to Aline that we had kissed.

It began to be serious when Max had died.

Max. I missed him every day, his black hair and giant glasses and the way he held his Naruto comics. I had thought of reading them but I when I got near his room, I couldn't find the guts to enter it, and I slowly backed way, crying.

When Max died, when we were in Idris, I had never felt that kind of pain before. I also had never felt more guilty. It had been my fault. Everyone told me it wasn't, but it was. I was the one who didn't listen to him when he told me that he had seen someone climb the demon towers. I was the one who left him alone with Sebastian as he died.

After his funeral (to which I did not went because I could not bring myself out of that room. I was heavy with guilt and mourn), Simon had knocked on my door to comfort me. Many people had tried to do this… not successfully of course, I sent everyone away, Alec, Jace, Mom… I told him to go away but he didn't and I do have to say the truth, I wanted to talk to someone, and his determination set my mind and just by opening that door that separated us, I opened a door to him to see the weakest side of me, the broken side of me. Not the Isabelle Lightwood he knew, the strong and confident one, no, in that moment he saw me pale with red eyes, sobbing, with tangled hair and certainly underdressed. He didn't seem to mind, and I was too upset to care either. He told me nice things; things that made my eyes flutter with tears because I knew they weren't true. I was an awful person; I abandoned my little brother when he most needed me. But still, I liked to hear them, he whispered softly into my hair and caressed it, and that's what we did all evening. We kissed a few times but I think the kisses didn't feel the same way towards him that they felt to me. He was there to comfort me, he maybe, thought he should do everything he could to comfort me, I looked awful, I looked catatonic and desperate. But those kisses mattered to me, his mouth was soft against mine, slow and steady and each kiss took me out of my reality for a few minutes, only to crash me again when I came back for air.

I think I eventually fell asleep that night, but I know that he was awake all the time he lied next to me. There were times I pretended to be asleep not to worry him and because I needed room for my own thoughts, and I could feel him soothing my hair softly with his hand. It felt really nice and I've always wondered what it had meant to him.

I woke up several times that night to find myself whispering Max's name over and over again until my eyes were flooding with tears again and he cuddled me against him and I fell asleep again. It was probably one of the best and the most painful night of my life.

This memory filled my whole being as I smelled the T-shirt I was holding in my hand. I looked around the room again, the blank walls that meant so much to her: although this was not his "true" bedroom it was the closest thing I would find to ever meet of it, given the circumstances. Maybe who knows? One day I could come to meet the real bedroom where he spent all his childhood and teenage years. With that thought in mind, I walked out of his room, grabbing the walls around me so the dizziness wouldn't make me fall, and smiling. And I went into the cold winter night, searching for Magnus' house.


	2. Chapter 2

When I got there I knocked on the door of Magnus' house, without even realizing the bell standing next to it. Alec was the one who answered the door. He hugged me tightly.

"Iz, thank Raziel, I was starting to get worried! Where were - Iz, why do you smell like alcohol?!" He was starting to look mad and dropped his arms. "Isabelle what have you done? What have you been doing?!"

I loved Alec, I really did, but drunk or not, sometimes I did not have the patience for his over worry. "Alec, please just let me go to a room and sleep. Please not now" I stepped away from him and walked toward Magnus, I knew that if I told Alec that Simon was coming in my request, he would freak out, but on the other hand, Magnus was really comprehensive about this kind of subject.

"Yes I will tell him" he said before I could say anything at all.

"How did you know?" I whispered to him, really confused.

"Alec was worried and asked me to track you down" he whispered back, showing me a bracelet that Alec probably had retrieved from her room before he left. "And I saw you in his house."

I was relieved I didn't have to speak of it a loud. I was about to thank him when tiredness hit me all of a sudden. I had to grab myself to Magnus's shoulder.

"Iz?" he asked, worried. "Are you okay?"

"Izzy?" Alec was worried sick and I felt bad. He came up next to me, and steadied me.

"I'm fine" I answered annoyed with all that kind of attention. He pulled his hand back but he put it back again and slowly guided me to the first room on the left.

I fell on the bed, and he let go of me. He watched me while I watched him. The look on his face was of disappointment and disapproval; I couldn't even stand to look at him without feeling guilty and I lowered my eyes and stared at my hands. One of them, the one that grabbed Magnus' shoulder was filled with glitter. I shouldn't be surprised.

"I'm sorry" I whispered as I cleaned my hand in the sheets of the bed. The darkness was threatening to grab me and pull me down at any moment, I was trying to make my best to stay awake. He seemed to notice.

"It's okay" he said, kneeling beside the bed, tapping my face. "Don't worry about it now, just sleep."

But I couldn't.

As he left the room and closed the door slowly after him, I thought of Simon coming and answering my request of his presence. I looked at the watch. It was 1:29 AM, my hopes grew dimmer and dimmer. He would never come. He couldn't. Not when Clary needed him more. How could I ever think he could come? DAMMIT

I tried to stay awake but I couldn't the last thing I remember is getting up and dressing his shirt.

I woke up to someone gently shaking my shoulder. "Iz?" he said. "Isabelle?"

By the Angel, it was him. Simon. But it couldn't be. But it was him.

"Simon?" I asked. Crap, my voice came out all shaky.

"Yeah" He answered. Oh my God it was him.

He touched my cheek lightly, and I got to admit that my heart did a gymnastics routine.

Oh my God he had left Clary's side to come to me! I couldn't let such opportunity pass by!

"You came." I stretched my arm across his chest, moving so that my head would fit against his shoulder. "I didn't think you would. "

His fingers traced patterns on my arm. I felt myself blush, but I was so tired that the feeling barely bothered me.

" Of course I came."

I spoke into his neck, so the words weren't clear. "Sorry I'm asleep."

She didn't know how, but she felt him smile.

"It's okay. Even if all you wanted was for me to come here and hold you while you sleep, I would have done it."

Oh Raziel, Oh my God. My whole being seemed to have set fire. Was this really happening? My heart pounded strongly against his ribcage. I hopped he didn't notice. I wondered if the Tequila effect was still on, because what I was planning to do required guts. Guts that I did not have. "Simon?"

"Yeah?"

Oh dear Lord, this was it. I felt all the adrenaline pumping through my veins. I was really telling him what I planned to tell while I was drunk. I was about to tell him that I loved him, and that I need him. I also wondered how could have he not noticed it yet. I had been too obvious.

At the last moment I lost all courage to tell him because I thought of the reasons of him not noticing. Maybe he was trying to avoid the situation. Maybe he knew but he was avoiding me because of Clary.

"Can you tell me a story?" I whispered instead, disappointing myself. Well done Iz, once again you have proved to be a strong person.

"What kind of story?"

I wasn´t lying when I asked for the story, I needed to hear it. Everything around me was falling apart, and I had to keep on my feet. It was difficult, it was so very difficult. Jace was probably possessed. My brother. "Something where the good guys win and the bad guys lose. And stay dead. "

"So, like a fairy tale?" he said. Simon seemed to be searching his brain for a story.

"No." The word was an exhaled breath. "We study fairy tales in school. A lot of that magic is real but, anyway. No, I want something I haven't heard yet."

"Okay. I've got a good one." Simon stroked my hair, and I tried my best to stay awake while he started. "A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away…"


	3. Chapter 3

Taking in the fact that we had already spent two nights together, I didn't understand how this one could be so different, it was possibly the fact that I was awake. It was definitely the fact that I was awake. Awake and didn't know what to do. It was weird, we weren't boyfriend and girlfriend, although I would like us to, and that didn't gave either of us the confidence to do something, because it could possibly scare the other. I, for the matter, was terrified of what this night had planned for me. I didn't have any pajamas, so he lent me one of cinnamon smelling button down shirt I loved so much. He looked away as climbed into the bed and under the blanket, and yet, I didn't want him to look away; every guy stared at me mouth open, but the only guy I wanted staring at me, wouldn't even look at me as I climbed under the sheets.

I gave him plenty of space to lie beside me, and he took off his shoes and socks and crawled next to me. The awkwardness of the first moment where we were both awake in the same bed, without knowing what to do, was unexplainable: I had never lied in the same bed with someone being this conscious and awkward. I felt myself tense up as the jitters filled me up, also mixed up with some excitement because this was Simon we were talking about. I rolled against him, draping an arm awkwardly across his side. Our knees bumped together. I passed my foot through his ankle and I felt one of my toes scratch him. He tried to move forward but our foreheads knocked.

_Shouldn't you be better at this? _I thought, indignantly, with all those nights with Clary, holding her so she wouldn't be afraid, soothing her hair …

"Why?" he asked, and only then I noticed I had spoken aloud. I felt myself blush. Crap, I might as well just answer him. I decided to hide my face in his neck, and not just because it smelled wonderfully.

"All those nights you've spent in Clary's bed, wrapped in your beautiful platonic embraces. I figured…"

"We just slept" he answered, as if it was obvious.

"I know" I decided to answer, although I was trying to figure out if he was telling me the truth or hiding it from me, but I felt kind of relieved. "But I don't just sleep, with anybody. I don't stay the night usually at all. Like ever"

"But you said you wanted to…" The poor thing sounded really confused.

"Oh shut up" I said and then I did it again. I kissed him. His lips were wonderful, so soft. I didn't know if I should continue the kiss, but he didn't pull me away, in fact I felt his hands in my hair and I knew he was enjoying this. I felt stronger more confident and I deepened the kiss. I pressed myself against him and I felt like I had just set fire, and I was adoring such fire. As my bare legs were pressed against his, I felt myself in need for more fire, but then he pulled back.

Shock spread all across me. Was he not enjoying this? Maybe I read him wrong. Oh Raziel I literally just crushed him and kissed him deeply without him enjoying it. Oh dear Raziel what had I done?!

I tried to act like normal me, not panicked me.

"Now what is it? You don't want to kiss me?" I fought the feeling of disappointment that was threatening to invade me.

"I do -" He tried to speak more but he couldn't. I felt my eyes widen. I understood it immediately, even before seeing his fangs. I knew him so well (Shut up Iz, this is no moment to feel proud!).

"Oh, you're hungry. When was the last time you had any blood?" I asked honestly worried about him.

"Yesterday" he managed to say with difficulty.

I lay back against the pillow. I thought about what I was about to do. I never wanted him to suffer by coming to me, and I wanted to be able to give him anything he needed, even if it came from me. I found a kind of courage in me I never thought I would, just by thinking that I could avoid him pain by doing this.

"Maybe you should feed yourself. You know what happens if you don't." I wasn't referring to anything specifically, but I felt him shiver, I knew he was thinking of what he had done to Maureen.

"I don't have any blood with me. I'll have to go back to the apartment" he said, sighing, and starting to get up. No, he couldn't leave me and he wasn't getting what I meant.

I grabbed him by the arm "You don't have to drink cold animal blood." I tried to make sure that my next words were strong and confident. I exhaled carefully as my bravery was growing again. _You can avoid him pain, Isabelle._ "I'm right here."

I saw the shock that my last words caused on him. He went dead serious and looked at me, his hands slightly shaking.

"You're not serious"

"Sure I am" I said, and it was true, I had never been so sure of anything in my entire life. I started to unbutton the shirt he'd given me, baring my throat, my collarbone, and the shirt fell open. I was weirdly aware that was not one of my best bras, but any doubts I had about it disappeared when I saw Simon's mouth wide open and then trying to hide it by closing it too fast. I also saw him swallow saliva, and I smiled to myself. I drew my hair over one shoulder, and left the other side of my throat naked.

"Don't you want…?"

He swallowed again and caught my wrist.

"Isabelle, don't" he said almost panicked by the idea. What had I done wrong now? Maybe it was the idea of drinking human blood again, or maybe he was thinking of what he had done to Maureen. "I can't control myself, can't control it. I could hurt you, kill you."

So he was afraid of hurting me. He was scared for me. He was the one who was in pain and he was worried for me.

"You won't. You can hold yourself back, you did it with Jace."

"I am not _attracted _to Jace." He answered.

Oh Raziel. Did he just say he was attracted to me? I grinned at the thought. I set fire again, and this time I couldn't control the urge of touching him, so I grabbed his wrist. It wasn't enough but I didn't want to make it worse for him.

"Not even a little? Easy bit?" The idea of him being attracted to Jace made me both wanna throw up and turned on. "Because that would be kind of hot" I said honestly, but he was not finding this funny, he was just staring seriously into my eyes, because, I think, he felt impolite looking at somewhere else in my body, taking in account that I was only in my underwear. "Ah, well. Too bad. Look, attracted or not, you bit him when you were starving and dying, and you still held back.

"I didn't hold back with Maureen. Jordan had to pull me off." He said, looking down this time.

"You would have." I tried to comfort him, and the urge of touching him wasn't wearing off, so I touched my finger to his soft lips, then ran it across his throat, across his chest, stopping at the place where his heart has one beat. "I trust you."

"Maybe you shouldn't."

"I am a Shadowhunter. I can fight you off if I have to." I said playfully. I was going mad with desire and he wouldn't even look at me.

"Jace didn't fight me off."

I couldn't hold it in anymore.

"Jace is in love with the idea of dying. I am not." I said as I slung my legs around his hips, and slid forward until I could brush my lips softly against his. He opened up his mouth and it was all the confirmation I needed because I was desperate. I didn't want him to kiss me anymore. I _needed _him to kiss me. But then he turned his face away from me.

"Isabelle, I can't" His words felt like a deep stab in my heart. How could I even think about my needs to touch him, when he was in this kind of pain? I felt so guilty.

He closed his eyes and said "I don't want you to see me like this."

_I don't want you to see me like this._

I felt all the pain he was feeling. Or possibly even worse. Was this what being in love was? Felling the pain our other half felt? He shouldn't have to hide who he was. Not from me. I felt horrible, like some kind of monster. I don't know how to comfort people, but in that moment, I just wanted to kiss all of his face desperately, but I knew that would be worse for him.

"Simon." I touched his cheek lightly, turning his face toward me. "This is who you are".

Well done, Iz. That was so very helpful.

He hid his face in his hands, which made me feel even worse. I wanted to cry, but I couldn't, I had to be strong because he was the one who needed me. He spoke between his fingers:

"You can't possibly want this. You can't possibly want me." Each word was like a punch in the stomach. I had tears in my eyes, and for the first time, I was glad he wasn't looking at me. "My own mother threw me out of the house. I bit Maureen, she was only a kid. I mean, look at me, look at what I am, where I live, what I do. I'm nothing."

_I'm nothing._

Is that what he thinks of himself? Does he think I am in love with someone who is nothing? Pain overwhelmed me at so many levels and I felt my cheeks wet. I stroked his hair because I wanted nothing more than for him to be safe and okay. He looked at me from in between his fingers. I couldn't see his eyes.

"You're not nothing, Simon. Please. Let me see your face."

Reluctantly he lowered his hands. And I could see that his beautiful chocolate brown eyes were sad. I unloosed my hands from around his neck. "Look at these" I said, touching the while scars of healed Marks. "Ugly, aren't they"

"Nothing about you is ugly, Izzy." He said, shocked by my question, and he spoke with such certainty that it surprised me too. He seemed like he had never been so sure of something he said all night.

"Girls aren't supposed to be covered in scars, but they don't bother you."

"They are part of you. No, of course they don't bother me."

He was being so sweet and so certain of what he was saying I turned to fire again, and this time I was sure I blushed. I touched his lips with my fingers.

"Being a vampire is part of you. I didn't ask you to come here last night because I couldn't think of anyone else to ask. I want to be with you, Simon. It scares the hell out of me, but I do."

And I had just confessed, in a way, my feelings for him. What if he didn't like me back in the way I like him? What if he likes Clary more than me? My cheeks were still wet but my eyes were forming new tears. He looked at them, and I wondered if he could see the tears, but instead, he leaned forward to kiss me, and I leaned in too, wanting to kiss him as badly as my need for air. It wasn't awkward this time, and with a quick move we rolled over so he would be under me. I kissed him more passionately and I was loving the fire that was spreading all across my body. His hands ran up my back and I was marveled by the sensation that such movement caused me and I moaned in pleasure. My hair fell upon us like curtains. I couldn't stop whispering his name because I wanted him, I wanted him badly. I think, that at some point I even whispered "I love you" but I didn't care anymore, and he didn't seem to notice. I moaned and moaned again because the desire between us was overwhelming. My hands were running through his hair as we both turned again, leaving me under him again. My heart was pounding fast, so fast that you would think that I would get a heart attack if I wouldn't calm down. But I couldn't. I couldn't and I did not want to.

Despite my own moaning and desires, he was still my number one preoccupation and when I felt him stiffen I grabbed his shoulder and said "Go ahead" the room was dark but all I could see was him. He was all the light I needed. My daylighter. "I want you to."

He closed his eyes, pressing our sweaty foreheads together and the feeling was wonderful. This was all new to me, but it felt incredible. I could see his fangs as he fought to pull them back inside. "No" he said

I wrapped my legs around him, locking ankles. No. I couldn't make him feel this pain, not if I could help it. And besides, I was curious. Since everything with him seemed to feel wonderful and amazing, I could not stop myself from wonder if this would feel too.

"I want you too" My breasts flattened against his chest as I arched up against him, barring my throat.

I could tell he was doing his best efforts not to bite me.

"Aren't you scared?" he whispered.

I decided to be honest with him. "Yes. But I still want you to."

"Isabelle, I can't"

I closed my eyes, and he bit me. I felt his teeth slid into my skin and I felt pain, but I didn't scream. After that, the sensation took over me. It was amazing, everything in my body screamed desire. I gasped, my eyes went wide open, and my body curved against his. I grabbed his hair and ran my hands through it. I never felt like this, it felt amazingly wonderful and it gave me shivers all over my back. My hands were urgent, and I wish I could speak, I wish I could tell him not to stop, that this was the best sensation I had ever felt and that nothing in my life would even remotely compare to this moment. I lit fire once more, and this time I was sure he could feel it and I was glad, maybe that would give him the strength to continue to do this. At this point I was irresponsible enough to wish that he would drain all the blood from me because I had never felt like this.

He broke away, slowly and rolled on his back. I felt the pressure on my neck disappear and I felt numb there for a few minutes. I felt him grab the mattress with inhuman force. I wish I could calm him, but I couldn't even calm myself, so there was no use.

"Izzy" He whispered. I looked at him but he was staring at the ceiling. Why wouldn't he look at me?

"What?" I asked. I was surprise that I was able to speak. My heart pounded against my ribcage so strong that I could actually feel my ribs vibrate.

"You didn't stop me." He said. Why would I stop him? This was the most amazing thing I've ever felt.

"I didn't want to." He looked at me intensely. I was doing my best to keep my heart rate a bit slower, because all this pounding was kind of uncomfortable, but with him staring at me, it wasn't easy. He suddenly leaned forward, and to my surprise, he licked the blood that was running down my neck. I shuddered; my fingers grabbed his hair again, not being able to containing the desire.

This had been possibly the best night of my life, and I wanted to tell him, what did I have to lose after this perfect night? But if it scared him? He had enough dilemmas in his life already, and I didn't want to cause one more.

"Simon…" he drew back. I stared into his eyes, as if they were truly the windows to the soul, and saw nothing but pureness, kindness and love. I was blushing again. I knew it. "Simon, I…."

"What?" he asked worried. But I shook my head and yawned. No, I couldn't ruin this night.

I hooked one of my fingers through one of the belt loops on his jeans and played with the bare skin at his waist. He was very pale. I felt him stiffen at my words. I looked up at him worried too.

"Are you okay? Did I drink too much? Do you feel tired? Are -"

I scooted closer to him, interrupting him. "I am fine. You made yourself stop. And I am a Shadowhunter. We replace blood at triple the rate a normal human being does."

He seemed nervous. "Did you… Did you like it?" he tripped over the words.

He couldn't tell?! I more than liked it, it was the best sensation I've ever felt.

"Yeah. I liked it." My voiced trembled.

"Really?" You could see the hope in his eyes and I couldn't help but giggle.

"You couldn't tell?

"I thought maybe you were faking it"

I looked at him, honestly shocked and raised myself up to one elbow and looked down at him. He looked scared of my answer when I wanted nothing but reassure him.

"I don't fake things, Simon. And I don't lie, and I don't pretend." I told him dead serious.

"You're a heartbreaker, Isabelle Lightwood." He said out of nowhere, and the words stung in my heart. "Jace told Clary once you'd walk all over me in high-heeled boots"

I thought about the thing back then, when Simon was just another mundane I used, so that my parents wouldn't notice Alec. Simon wasn't who he was now.

"That was then. You're different now. You're not scared of me."

He touched my face, and the fire that had settled, burnt brightly and alive inside me again.

"And you're not scared of anything"

That wasn't true. I was scared of love. And if it was considered like a disease, I was suffering from it now. I was dead scared of the possibility of him breaking my heart. I considered lying to him, but I told him I didn't lie.

"I don't know. Maybe you will break my heart." My hair fell on my face, hiding it. I really didn't want to hear his answer, so I kissed him, and I tried to avoid tasting my own blood in his mouth. It tasted like salt and iron, but his mouth was soft, and with blood or not, I didn't want to stop. I felt a yawn coming to me, and I really didn't want to yawn in his mouth. I pulled away. "Now shut up. I want to sleep" and I curled up against his side and closed my eyes.

This time, it felt perfect, there wasn't any awkwardness and everything felt warm and exciting. And powerful.

I felt his hand stroking my hair, and I couldn't help but smile. All this was new to me, but I didn't want it to be strange to me. I wanted to feel this every day.

I felt him stir, leaning down and gently, oh so very gently, he kissed my forehead as if wishing me good dreams or a good night. Something a dedicated boyfriend would do to his asleep girlfriend. It felt so sweet, but I was too tired to care for the fire. I didn't open my eyes but I hope he saw me smile.


	4. Simon's POV

"_Simon, I__'__ve been trying to call you, but it seems like your phone is turned off. I don__'__t know where you are right now. I don__'__t know if Clary's already told you what happened tonight. But I have to go to Magnus__'__s and I__'__d really like you to be there. I__'__m never scared, but I__'__m scared for Jace. I__'__m scared for my brother. I never ask you for anything, Simon, but I__'__m asking you now. Please come. _

_Isabelle.__‟_

I let the letter fall, and I was out of the apartment before it hit the floor. I could swear that I had never ran that fast, but Magnus' house was far away from Jordan's apartment, and I couldn't get there in less than twenty minutes, never mind how fast I ran.

The night was cold, but yet again I couldn't feel cold. The only feeling I felt now was worry. Worry for Clary, who had just gone into God knows where to save Jace from Sebastian. And most of all, worry for Isabelle. Isabelle. She was never scared, she was young, beautiful and though as nails. Why would she need me? Me of all people, to comfort her when she was scared?

The feeling of worry and preoccupation overwhelmed me. I was scared for Isabelle, if she was requesting my presence it was something serious. But what could it be? A million thoughts popped into my head all at once: a demon? No, she was strong; she could kick any demon's ass all by herself. And why would she need me because of a demon? Maybe something happened to Jace, after all, I was the only one who could comfort her when her little brother, Max, had died. I had never her seen her so broken and helpless. She woke several times that night, whispering his name, and then crying as if she understood that saying his name over and over again would not bring him back. I just held her tighter, whispering soft words to her, telling her that it wasn't her fault; and it wasn't, but she still didn't believe me. And we spent all night like that; grabbing each other like it was the last night of our lives. Technically, it almost was the last night of our lives, with the Valentine threat and all we never knew whether our lives would grow long. I don't think she ever thought about that in that way, but I certainly did. It was something that occupied my thoughts a lot in the weeks that followed: In that night, I had been willing to spend what could have been the last night of life with Isabelle, and yet, the thought didn't bother me at all, I was actually pleased with the idea. I liked comforting her, soothing her hair, cuddling her, and I most certainly loved being the only one who she would talk to.

Said like this, it all looks like a dramatic romantic story, but I knew for a fact that Isabelle used boys and threw them away. Isabelle was beautiful and tough and perfect and didn't need anything. Least of all a vampire who wasn't even very good at being a vampire. But such vampire liked Isabelle, maybe even loved her; and that thought made me run even faster because my Izzy was scared and she needed me, and I sure as hell wasn't gonna fail her.

**Hi! Hey this one if for AlejandraMartinez who requested a scene in Simon's pov. Now, in the book, most of the scenes are in Simon's pov, but Lord Morgenstern tried to do his best :D Hope you guys enjoy it**


	5. Chapter 5

We reached the farmhouse. I was worried. I was dead worried. No, he couldn't do this; he was probably going to get killed! I mean, not even most Shadowhunters had the guts to do what he was about to do. He was about to summon an Angel, and not just any angel, Raziel. And he said he was doing this for me… and for Clary. Yup, I was mostly sure this was for Clary, but he told me it was part because of me, because he didn't want me to suffer.

I felt guilty, I felt damn guilty because he was about to be sacrificing his life for me… and Clary. He was a downworlder, summoning Raziel so there was a chance I didn't lose my brother.

He was by the porch, while Alec and Magnus were glancing at the lake, by the road. Simon was absorbed by memories that this place brought him, he wasn't smiling, but I could tell and I wasn't very sure how, maybe it was because of his eyes.

I reached him; my hair was blowing with the wind. I was dead scared of what was going to happen. Maybe Raziel would get mad and kill him, maybe he would curse him, and I don't know if the Mark of Cain also works for threatening Angels.

"You really like it here, huh?" I said softly smiling

"How can you tell?" he asked surprised, as if he didn't know I liked spending my time looking at him, … or maybe he actually didn't.

"Your expression, like you're remembering something good" I said honestly.

"It was good" he answered. His hand went up to his face until he touched his nose, but then, as if remembering he was doing something stupid, he lowered it and blushed. Yes, my vampire could blush. "I was lucky."

I didn't know exactly what that meant, but I felt jealous, nonetheless. It was this place, where he had spent so many hours, days… with Clary. And I felt jealous because I wished it was with me. The desire was stupid of course, I mean, he hadn't even met me back then, and my interest in mundane back in the date was the lowest possible. So to hide my jealousy, I looked down at the lake, the wind made my hair tangle, but I didn't mind.

"And now you're not?" I couldn't stop myself from asking, hopeful.

He shrugged and watched Magnus, who was drawing in the wet sand around at the lake's edge. He didn't answer. He didn't answer, the words stung in my chest, maybe he didn't feel lucky, and maybe he had no reasons to.

"Are you scared?" I couldn't stop myself from asking again, I need to hear him speak. I moved closer to him. The weather was cold, and he was cold, but I felt warmer.

"I don't know. So much of being scared is the physical feeling of it. Your heart speeding up, sweating, your pulse racing. I don't get any of that" he answered. His face looked a bit exasperated.

I felt myself in the need of making him feel better. "That's too bad. Guys getting all sweaty are hot."

He half smiled, I think, because, he couldn't smile more. He was, indeed, afraid.

"That's enough of your sass and back talk, missy" he joked

I smiled but then realized, he made me smile. And of course he did he was Simon.

"You know what it never even crossed my mind I wanted?" He looked at me, puppy eyed. "A guy who could make me smile." And like that I had just confessed myself again. My deepest, purest feelings, that I liked him, that I loved him, and now he was about to walk into his own death.

And then he turned to me, with a worried face, and grabbed my hand and the fire pulsed through me once more. Maybe it would be the last time I would feel it. The thought haunted me and I felt tears in my eyes. "Izzy…"

I was about to touch his face with my free hand, but then Magnus called "All right. I'm done. Simon, over here." We turned, and Magnus was standing inside the circle. Every moment that passed he was closer to his possible death, and that scare the hell out of me.

I had never felt this, I was terrified that someone, other than my family would get killed. This was an awful thing to say, but I think I was more worried with Simon's imminent death, than with Jace's possible death in a near future. My breath went out of regular, and slowly, his hand released mine and he slowly, almost painfully (I could swear I could see pain in his muscles) walked away towards Magnus. My mind blacked out of everything Magnus said, because I was on the verge of panic.

Simon held the book against his chest, and he took off the ring that connected him to Clary, and he gave it to Magnus. "If it doesn't…" he paused, I felt the pain in my heart grow as he didn't finish the sentence. He didn't finish it, but every one of us knew what those unspoken words meant, but they hurt me more than they did to anyone else. "…someone should take this. It's our only link to Clary, and what she knows" Magnus took it. "Ready, Simon?"

I looked up at him for the first time since he let go of my hand, I couldn't bear the pain, I hugged my elbows, because I felt that if I didn't, I would break into a million pieces and the darkness would take me.

As I looked at him, he looked surprised. "Hey," He said. "You remembered my name!" Really, Simon? Really? I thought I could smile at his idiocy, but I couldn't I only felt pain. I guess that the guy that makes me smile could also makes me feel this kind of extraordinary pain that no one should ever even think of bearing.

I moved closer to Magnus because maybe I needed emotional support.

"I guess you guys had better go" he said, and then he looked at me. And I saw in my own eyes. He felt pain on leaving me behind. I don't think he felt what I felt, but he did feel something. We didn't move, I was not leaving him like this. No.

He felt expectant, like he thought he should say something, but he didn't know what. "Thanks for coming here with me" he said, and then paused to think. He looked at Alec. "Um, Alec. I always liked you better than I liked Jace" he admitted, Alec smiled awkwardly at him. My mind was racing, WHY WAS HE SAYING GOODBYE. No, he couldn't. I also wondered what he could say of me. He turned to Magnus "Magnus I wish I had the nerve to wear the kind of pants you do." And then he looked at me. His sad brown chocolate eyes, staring in wonder, and asking what should I say of you. I understood, of course, that he couldn't say anything in front of Magnus and Alec, but nonetheless, I expect him to say something about me. "Isabelle" and then he bowed to me.

The feeling of disappointment and angst was too much. My eyes filled with tears and I was glad everyone was staring at him.

He went into to the center of the circle and closed his eyes and I could see him thinking of his memories, and I wondered if he thought of me.

I didn't know what to do but to stand there, to where they had dragged me, to where I was in safety while he was not.

I was doing my best effort to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall down my cheeks.

And then it happened: the Angel appeared. It made so much noise, and everything in me was screaming no. Oh dear Raziel no. I was praying to Raziel, the Angel who was about to kill my vampire. Nothing in my mind made sense, I was about to lose him, and I couldn't. No I couldn't. I screamed.

I screamed loud enough to be heard over all the noises of the arriving of Raziel. Alec turned his head to me, and so did Magnus. They looked dead worried, and I'm sure I looked too. They both came up to me, and Magnus held me and I sobbed into his glittery purple jacket. I don't think Alec saw me sobbing in tears, but Magnus certainly felt it.

He held me for a while, it could have been 3 minutes or 15, I had lost track of time, and when I gained guts to turn my head again, big mistake: I realized that the noises had stopped and everything inside the circle was very unclear. The Angel was about 18 meters tall and he seemed terribly angry. I couldn't even see Simon with all the light that came from the angel!

And suddenly, there was an implosion of light and the angel was gone, and the sky was starting to clear up again, and then I saw him fall.

He fell.

He fell and he wasn't moving.

Magnus grabbed my arm at full strength and I felt my reality crash me. He was not moving. He was dead.

Dead.

I panicked like I never did before. I screamed and Magnus was scared enough to let go of my arm and I ran. I ran through the wind to the place where he was. I felt the tears in my face, the wind was spreading them. I also felt my eyes burning. As I saw him lying on the ground not moving, not moving, I ran faster, my heart was pounding against my ribs in fear and angst and pain and everything. Until I saw him move. I ran faster and then I hit the end of the path and leaped onto the lakeside, my boots kicking up puff of sand behind me. I reached him and threw myself at him, wrapping my arms around him.

"Simon" I whispered, not being able to contain tears, tears of love. Tears of happiness that he was alive, my heart was still pounding like there was no tomorrow. " I thought you were dead. I saw you fall down and I thought you were dead" I stumbled over my own words.

He looked so damn tired and he was not moving, maybe out of sheer tiredness.

"I am dead" he answered.

Seriously?

"I know. I meant more than usual" I said.

"Iz" he said with such softness that I was surprised, as if he actually cared that much for me. He raised his face to mine and only then I realized the position I was in. I was kneeling over him, legs around his, my arms around his perfect neck. He fell down on the sand, and I knew I was right when I said he was tired.

He thumped down onto his back and stared at me, almost in awe, as if I was one of the best things he'd seen. And I felt marveled.

I touched his forehead and realized something was missing. "Your Mark's gone"

"Raziel took it away. In exchange for the sword" I stared at him in fascination. He actually did it. He did it. He did it and he was alive. "It's the Archangel Michael's sword. It's called Glorious" he proceeded.

But I didn't care about that. I kissed his cheek. "You did it. You got the Angel. You got the sword."

I saw Magnus and Alec moving closer to us, but then I turned to Simon again. He closed his eyes, exhausted, and I leaned over him, my hair brushing the sides of his face. "Don't try to talk." I said gently, and I hoped he didn't notice the tears in cheeks, new happiness ones mixing with the old terror ones. "You're not cursed anymore. You're not cursed" I cried more, maybe even sobbed a little, but he didn't notice. He linked his fingers with mine and I smiled as the fire took over me again. I guess it wasn't the last time I felt the fire.

"I know he answered" half smiling and I kissed his forehead.


	6. Author's Note

Lord Morgenstern and The Morning Frog would like to ask everyone if there is any particular sizzy scene you'd like to see written. If there are, please request us and we will be happy to obligue


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey Guys! I'm sorry this is so late but exams tire the crap out of us.**

**So well, here you go: The scene where Sizzy wakes up after the "Bite night"**

**More will come soon. Maybe even tonight. We are on a writing mood.**

**Well, read and review if you please. :)**

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When I woke up Simon was still sleeping peacefully fully stretched on his side of the bed, and I felt bad for getting up when the bed with him made me feel so cozy and welcoming.

I slipped out of the bed slowly and carefully so I wouldn't wake him.

I thought about the night we just had as I put on an awful shirt of Alec's, with holes in the sleeves and losing its color. The night had been different, and every inch of me desired living in that night forever, well at least relive the biting part, I did not like seeing Simon upset, it made my heart clench with pain, a kind of pain I did not know I would ever have. The pain of love and worry for your better half.

Yes, Simon was my better half; I had come to that realization last night as I fell asleep. The things he did for me and the things I made myself do for him, everything I could ever do to reduce his pain, for I couldn't bare it.

Yet, I didn't know if I was Simon's better half, but he certainly was mine. Maybe his was Clary's and if it was, I couldn't do anything to change that, even if I tried. He and Clary had been each other's company for too long: years and years of hanging together, and he had said he had been in love with her for almost ten years. I could never compete with that, and I was fool for thinking that I could.

But I knew I was a weak spot for him (at least that), he came to me when I asked for him and he worried for me, just like I worried for him. Maybe with time I could change his feelings for Clary. With time I did not have since we were all under this giant Sebastian threat and with the event of my brother's possible death.

I kneeled by the bed, picking up my stele and placed it by my collar bone, where the biting marks were. I felt him stir in the bed and I knew he was awake, his eyes opened slowly and they looked at me and he raised himself to his elbows.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"Iratze" I answered. "For this." I tucked my hair behind my ear so he could see the two puncture wounds that were the scars of the best night of my life. I knew I had to hide them, but I didn't want to. They meant so much to me.

When I finished the rune, the puncture wounds smoothed over, but I was glad they still left a small mark. Faint, but still there to remind me of the night.

"Are you… all right?" His voice came out a whisper, and I could sense the hesitation, he was afraid he had hurt me.

"I'm fine" I answered with the most confident smile I could manage to do. "I slept a lot later than I normally ever do, but I think that's probably a good thing" I looked over at him again and he had the most worried expression written all over his face. If I knew him like I thought I did, he was trying to find disgust in my face for what he did to me last night. He was scared I thought he was a monster. Those thoughts that tormented him made me feel horrible and, like last night when he was disgusted with himself, I felt the urge to comfort him and make his pain go away, because his pain was mine too. I wondered if he felt the same thing about me from time to time.

I slid my stele into my belt and crawled towards Simon positioning myself over him and like most times, my hair fell upon us like curtains. We were close, close enough to kiss and I wanted to. Our noses touched and I found myself surrounded by the fire once more. I looked at his chocolate brown eyes that were wide open with the desire I shared too.

"Why are you so crazy?" I whispered to him honestly. How could I ever be disgusted of him!? How? He was what he was, and I loved him exactly for that. I felt myself disintegrate a bit every time he was hurt and if that's not love, I don't know what it is.

I wanted to touch every inch of his face while we were so close.

Maybe we don't have to leave the room today; we could just stay like this all day and ignore the chaos that surrounds us all. We could kiss all day, he could bite me anytime he wanted, I just wanted to spend my entire day like this.

I could sense that my body irradiated fire and that my soft breaths were becoming uneven and he was about to kiss me and I leaned down to him too.

Until someone knocked on the bedroom door. DAMMIT.

"Simon. Isabelle." It was Magnus. "Look I don't care if you're asleep or doing unspeakable things to each other. Get dressed and come out to the living room. NOW."

I felt myself blush of what he Magnus said. Had he heard us? Had Alec heard us? If he had I was so dead…

Simon and I locked gazes and I his brown eyes reflected my confusion. What could have happened?

"What's going on? Simon asked for both of us.

I couldn't shake the fact that I was still on top of him…

"Just get out here" he answered as he walked away.

I rolled off him and I could see his disappointment, so what was the point of hiding mine? I sighed.

"What do you think it is?" I asked him

"No idea. Emergency meeting of Team Good, I guess." He answered

I'm not sure how he could joke about who's good and who's not.

"I'm not sure there is any such thing as Team Good these days." I answered as we both left the room.


	8. Chapter 8

**So this is the scene where Simon tells Iz about his plan of summoning Raziel**

**We hope you guys enjoy it. :)**

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My heart fell to my feet. I gasped in shock. No. He couldn't do this.

I argued at first, I just wanted him to listen to the truth that he would probably would get himself killed and I couldn't endure that. I think I was the one who screamed the most, but the words stung in my mind as everyone seemed to be making a chaos out of this and I was just there, sitting on the couch, on the verge of panic.

"_I'm going to summon Raziel"_ he had said.

He was going to get himself killed, no I couldn't lose him. No, he couldn't do this.

Everyone in the room was arguing about his faith except us both. I looked over at him, sitting on the other couch resting his elbows on his knees, unaware of all the arguing about his safety.

I got up and placed a hand on his shoulder. The fire didn't bother me, for I was too much worried to care. I gestured him to follow me to near the shadows of one of the pillars as the argument raged behind us. He seemed scared of me. And he should be, I was damn pissed and worried and scared and on the brink of tears. How could he do this to me?

Then the answer in my mind became very clear: Clary. He was doing this for Clary. So she wouldn't have to suffer if Jace died.

The bitter monster of jealousy that had been following me since we were on Alicante took over me again and shared my brain with the overwhelming preoccupation and panic.

"Okay" he said, breaking the silence. I was too focused on looking at him and keeping my feelings at order. "I guess you're not pleased with me right now"

Is he serious?

"You guess?" I kind of screamed. "I'd kick your butt vampire, but I don't want to ruin my expensive new boots" It was a lie. Of course it was. I was just trying to hide my undying will of throwing myself at him and cry all over his chest, begging him not to go. Hadn't I been through enough? And now this!?

"Isabelle…" he said carefully and sweetly. I always loved the way he said my entire name, it sounded different, more patient and lovingly.

"I'm not your girlfriend" said the jealous part of me. I spit the words like I would start crying right after saying them. And I felt like I would. My luck was that Simon didn't understand a thing about girls.

"Right" He said, looking at his hands, and the disappointment in him was particularly obvious, that I immediately felt a horrendous person for saying the words. He didn't want them to be true, I didn't want them to be true. So what was holding us back? "I know that" he tried again, hiding the disappointment.

What was holding us back was Clary, yet again.

"And I've never begrudged you the time you've spent with Clary. I've even encouraged it." _And you have no idea the pain and jealousy that cost me. _"I know how much you care about her. And how much she cares about you." At this point I was just throwing the words out. I never expected them to hurt so much. How the hell had I reached this point? "But this is an is an insane risk you're talking about taking. Are you sure?"

He looked around as if avoiding looking at me. Of course he would avoid looking at me. I felt crushed.

"This isn't about Clary." He answered me. Than what was it about? I searched my mind for answers and remembered what he told me last night. That he was nothing and that his mother kicked him out.

"Well, it isn't about your mother, is it? That she called you a monster? You don't have anything to prove, Simon. That's her problem, not yours." I replied. I just wanted to caress his cheek and beg him not to do it.

"It's not like that. Jace saved my life. I owe him." Simon said.

I was taken aback. He was doing exactly what I was doing. He was taking a burden because someone had done something that saved our lives. Only his almost implied his death, whether mine just make me suffer everyday out of jealousy.

"You're not doing this just to pay Jace back, are you? Because I think everyone is pretty even now." I was becoming desperate by this point. I just wanted him to be safe.

"No, not completely. Look, we all know the situation. Sebastian can't be running around loose. It isn't safe. The Clave is right about that much. But if he dies, Jace dies. And if Jace dies, Clary…"

So this is about Clary. Of course. "She'll survive" I interrupted him. "She's tough and strong."

"She'll hurt. Maybe forever. I don't want her to hurt like that. I don't want you to hurt like that."

I was surprised again, and the fire set over once more. He was worried about me. And he was right. If Jace died I would probably die too. I couldn't bear losing two of my brothers. The grief and the pain would be too much.

But then I thought on what I would do if Simon died. I didn't know how to respond to the question. I didn't know what I would. I'd probably go mental. Just the question made me maniac. Maniac to the point that I using Clary an argument for him to stay alive, if he didn't care about my pleading, he would certainly answer to Clary's.

"Of course not. But do you think she won't be hurt, Simon, if Something happens to you?" I answered

Simon bit his lip. Bingo. I had reached a breaking point.

"What about you?" he asked.

Me? What? Was he…

"What about me?"

"Will you be hurt if something happens to me?" he asked. His eyes showed sadness but at the same time hope and despair.

I was surprised. He was more worried if I got hurt for him than with Clary. The thought made me wonder and I stared at him for a long time before the question of _What Would I Do If He Died? _bothered me again. It was a kind of despair very different from what I got from when I thought about Max or Jace. It was more intense.

I felt my eyes slowly filling with tears. Tears that I hopped he didn't notice.

"Yes"

I answered the truth. Simplified, but the truth.

"But you want me to help Jace." He continued.

"Yes. I want that too." I was honest. I was hating myself for being honest.

"You have to let me do this. It's not just for Jace, or for you and Clary, though you're all a big part of it. It's because I believe darkness is coming. I believe Magnus when he says it. I believe Raphael is truly afraid of a war. I believe we're seeing a small piece of Sebastian's plan, but I don't think it's any coincidence he took Jace with him when he went. Or that he and Jace are linked. He knows we need Jace to win a war. He knows what Jace is." He said very seriously and I just looked at him. I couldn't deny what he said.

He spoke with such certainty and such grace that it was impossible for me not to stare at him and to think how brave he was.

"You're just as brave as Jace." I stated.

He blushed and I smiled to myself, and then fell inside the pit of my despair because it might be the last time I see him blush.

"Maybe. " He answered. "But I'm not a Nephilim. I can't do what he can do. And I don't mean as much too as many people."

My heart clench and I got a little closer to him not enduring the distance.

"Special destinies and special torments" I whispered. "Simon you mean a lot to me."

He reached put and cupped my cheek lightly and I let the fire fill me, because this could be one of the last…

"You're a warrior, Iz. It's what you do. It's what you are. But if you can't fight Sebastian because hurting him would hurt Jace, you can't fight the war. And if you have to kill Jace to win the war, I think it will kill part of your soul. And I don't want to see that, not if I could do something to change it."

He thought like me. I swallowed. He thought exactly like me. We would do everything to save the other from pain. He was doing this for me.

"It's not fair that it has to be you." I said, feeling my eyes burning.

"This is my choice, to do this. Jace doesn't have a choice. If he dies, it's for something he didn't have anything to do with, not really." He answered me, caressing my cheek.

I exhaled and looked at him. He was being so brave. All this might got him killed, and he was doing this either way my help or not. And I felt that it was my job to support him. He would have if it was me doing this. I tried to ignore the pain in my chest and grabbed his elbow.

"All right. Let's go." I steered him back toward the group, who didn't seem to notice that we were gone. I cleared my throat. "That's enough. Simon has made his decision, and it's his decision to make. He's going to summon Raziel. And we're going to help him in any way that we can." I told all of them, trying to transpire as much confidence as I could, and silently thanking everything and everyone for my hand still being in his elbow.


	9. Chapter 9

We were sitting side by side in a green chaise. Alone. The room was dark so I had Alec's witch light in my hand, illuminating the room with a spectral glow, sparking dancing motes of fire from the pendant chandelier.

I was looking at my hands thinking about the day we had just had. Thankfully it was over. Simon was okay, Jace and Clary were okay. I had wandered hopelessly without knowing where to go or where to find him and panic had been invading my brain since I didn't find him back at the party.

But the kind of panic that installed me was different from everything I had ever felt. Was this… love? The thought scared me. It scared the hell out of me. Hearts are breakable, I had once told him, and it was true. I couldn't endure someone breaking my heart. Love was a disease, my mother thought me that and since then, I have never trusted anyone besides my brothers.

I was mostly absorbed by my own thoughts, so we both were weirdly and awkwardly quiet I looked over at him and his gaze was fixed in my hands too, and I noticed he was evaluating the ring.

"It's the Lightwood family ring" I said and he looked over at me. "Every family has an emblem. Ours is fire."

He seemed to be taking the information in, absorbing the knowledge I had just given him; I looked away from his eyes and stared off into the distance. I thought about when I hugged him, a couple of minutes ago. It was a reckless move but I couldn't help it. He was so selfless and altruistic. _I didn't want to drag you into my problems_, he had said and I just ran hugged him, like I would never let him go. And I wouldn't.

Isabelle, what's wrong with you?! Did you just state that you would never let Simon go?!

Could this possibly be love?

"What you told us" he interrupted me "up there on the roof - that you hadn't known that Clary and Jace were missing, that you'd come for me - was that true?"

I looked up at him. How could he think I wouldn't come for him? "Of course it's true" I said indignantly. "When we saw you were gone from the party - and you've been in danger for days, Simon, and what with Camille escaping -"

_Isabelle STOP! You're saying too much; don't act like you're obsessed with him. Was I obsessed with him?_ I stopped myself. "And Jordan's responsible for you. He was freaking out." I finished.

His face showed disappointment. Why would he be disappointed?

"So it was his idea to come looking for me?" he asked.

I looked at him. A long moment passed until I was sure of what to answer. I should be honest with him. "I was the one who noticed you were gone. I was the one who wanted to find you." I answered my voice deep and sentimental.

I felt lighted-head by what I had just done, and Simon cleared his throat, so I was sure he felt weird too. We were here, me, almost declaring a love I wasn't certain of.

"But why?" He asked me, honestly confused. "I thought you hated me now."

WHAT? Oh right. With all this I had completely forgotten all the lies he had told me because of Maia. I moved a little away from him. I knew I was about to get my heart crushed, and I didn't want to. "Oh. Simon. Don't be so dense." It was true. I didn't hate him, how could I? He was so lovable.

"Iz" he said, slowly and then reached out and grabbed my wrist carefully. I experienced a feeling I had never had before, some sort of tingle in my skin, fireish, mixed with nerves and excitement. I watched him. "Camille said something to me in the Sanctuary. She said that Shadowhunters didn't care about Downworlders, just used them. She said the Nephilim would never do for me what I did for them." By this point I was just staring at him lovingly and my eyes filled with fascination. "But you did. You came for me. You came for me" He repeated and I felt marveled and sad. Camille was a true bitch. I would come for him anytime, wherever place it might take me, even the depts of hell.

"Of course I did." I said, _and I would come again_ I wanted to say. "When I thought something had happened to you -" I couldn't finish the thought without sobbing a bit, so I didn't. But he got the point. The thought really scared me.

He leaned in toward me. Our faces were inches apart. Oh Raziel this isn't happening, is it? I'm dreaming, because I have had this dream before. Sure it wouldn't be the first time we kissed, but this time it was different. We both knew what was behind the kiss, unspoken words that meant so much to both of us.

We were so close I could see his pupils dilating. Could his pupils really dilate? He was different no matter what, and I wondered if mine were doing the same. I could see every pore and freckle in his face and I marveled myself with the feeling. I could feel heat, like an electrical charge passing between us, and I could sense that we has feeling it too. "Isabelle" He said my complete name in a certain whisper. Isabelle. I felt wonderful at how he said my name, so different. "Can I - ?

He is really asking permission to kiss me? When I was about to grab his face and pull him to me, the elevator pinged, the doors opened and Alec, Maia and Jordan spilled out. Alec look suspiciously at us while we sprang apart and the lobby doors flew wide open and I only had time to see my mom running to be and grabbing me by the shoulders screaming incomprehensible words. I felt Simon getting up, and as I explained everything to my mom, I secretly begged that he wouldn't go away. I wanted to get to him, and maybe even continue what we left to be done.


End file.
